


Rules

by 8hephaestion8



Series: What We Have [2]
Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman, cmbyn
Genre: Anal Sex, Friendship, Kissing, M/M, Male Bonding, Male Homosexuality, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-02-09 10:29:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18636325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8hephaestion8/pseuds/8hephaestion8
Summary: Timothy and Armie move on.  The concept of rules and boundaries have to be considered.This is Fiction.It's not nice.





	1. One

A month later.

The previous night, Timmy had taken him to his new apartment, a studio, two spaces, divided by a partition, another partition creating a corridor down the side of the bedroom area. The main partition divided the sleeping area from the living area and opened onto the kitchen, making an opening onto the bedroom and an opening which lead to the wet room.  In the kitchen was a microwave, four rings on top of a built in oven, past there into the living space with table, under the window two dining chairs, on one wall a bookcase, and centre a sofa, against the other wall a tv bench with shelves below, a large TV.  The wet room had a toilet opposite a rain pool shower, alongside the toilet, a basin.  Armie had bounced his head the first time he went in to use the bathroom as it was under the slope of the roof. He wasn’t sure he could come back here often.

Somehow, Timmy had got a king size bed into the bedroom space, one side of the bed was up against the wall which left about three feet at the bottom of the bed and three foot on the other long side; his clothes were in a built in cupboard attached to the partition at the bottom of the bed, there was just enough room, when Armie stood at the bottom of the bed and stretched his arms he could virtually touch the wall and the partition.

 

Timmy didn’t apologise

‘I am not the heir to a fucking multi-billion dollar fortune.  This is what I can afford.’

‘I am not an heir.’

‘You are, you are the eldest son, and you work in the business.’

‘I haven’t come here to argue with you so don’t waste my time.’

‘What do you want Armie?’

‘You know what I want.’

 

Armie took a couple steps and stood in front of Timmy.

Timmy was defiant, but his body began shaking, this man had him under control.  When he stood near him it was like alarm bells going off in his body.  His breath grew short, sensation began to rise up his thighs, and deep down into his stomach then gathered in his loins, yes he used that word in his head, he understood what loins mean, his dick became the centre of his being. He could feel it begin to fill, the blood was coursing towards it, the crown was getting sensitive, it was brushing against his boxers. He self-consciously put his hand on it to stop it from sticking out when it was erect.  He began sucking his lips in an attempt to gain control. But his ass was beginning to throb, he could feel Armie’s dick forcing itself into his body, the ass wanted to move backwards, it was anticipating a fucking.

Armie just stood and watched him, then undid his trousers and opened his boxers,  and started to rub his cock. His large hand just covered the cock it was already standing out, not quite fully erect but gaining hardness.  He stood there and began to pull it forward, then he began to turn his hand, the head of his dick visible in the circle of his fingers the skin rolling back and forth.  Timmy began to salivate, he began sucking his lips in earnest, he let go of his dick and just watched as Armie continued to roll the dick until he had achieved complete hardness.  When it stood up of it’s own accord, he beckoned Timmy over with his finger, Timmy came towards him, Armie pointed to his dick and Timmy knelt and placed it in his mouth.  Armie didn’t make a sound, he just stood there and balanced himself ready for the orgasm.

Timmy began sucking, he just took the tip down to the ridge into his mouth and rubbed the ridge with his tongue, now Armie began to make a noise.  Timmy began sucking hard as hard as he could, the tongue roughly swirling over the opening, pre-come was rising and falling out of Armie’s dick.  Armie placed his hands on Timmy’s head lightly. He remembered. He lifted Timmy’s head so his lips were directly on the ridge.

‘Suck there.’

A minute later Armie came, Timmy didn’t swallow. He held the cum in his mouth and stood up, rolling it forward onto his tongue. Opened his mouth and showed it to Armie who opened his mouth onto Timmy’s open lips and sucked the tongue.  As they kissed, they shared and each took a portion of the cum into their bodies.  Armie roughly grabbed Timmy’s dick as they kissed, and making a circle of his fingers and thumb brought him to orgasm.  The ejaculate fell where it could, Timmy stood upright and let the orgasm take him, his ass was clenched, he could feel the blood moving around down there, and yes his loins were on fire.  He looked down at the carpet, it was mess.

Armie tucked everything in, did up his trousers and left. Timmy knew he would go home and lie in his funk.  He would Facetime him later, it was one of their things, remote midnight sex.  He was looking forward to it, and then he thought, tonight he would not make himself available.  That fucker would have to wait, he’d see what happened.  Some rules had to be made, one of them was Armie could not just initiate sex and just leave him, that had to stop.

At half past one, there was a ring on the buzzer.

Timmy laughed.  He didn’t let him in. 

The phone rang.  Timmy answered.

‘What do you want?’

‘Open the fucking door.’

‘Go away.’

He closed the call.

Ten minutes later, a knock on the door, the concierge.

‘Sorry to trouble you Mr Chalamet, your guest says that he left something behind and he needs to get it. I couldn’t let him come up, but I did say I’d come and ask you for it. If you give it to me I’ll return it.  If Mr Hammer is to be a regular guest, can I suggest that he uses the entrance from the side street, the garage entrance, it’s more discreet, and he can call you from the intercom there or call the concierge.  We do try to help with these matters any way we can, if he is going to come here frequently just let us know, we can manage the situation, we do for other guests.  All our staff have signed non-disclosure agreements, your private life will remain that.’

Timmy smiled a beguiling smile, this was why he had chosen this block, he could have Armie round at his place in peace. Brian had scoped out the building it was safe.

Like many people the concierge was very taken with Timmy and he couldn’t work out why.  He just thought he was a very pleasant young man. He wasn’t so sure about Armie.  He struck him as troubled and possibly not the best guest for this nice young man, but he saw what it was and knew that the two men were in some kind of relationship and it wasn’t platonic, he would help if he could.

‘What he left cannot be given back…tell him I’m tired, and I’ll be in touch.’

The concierge nodded, that was how it was going to be, utmost discretion was going to be required with these two.

 

The next night, a text arrived.

>Meet me at Soho House at 8.00pm

<Why?

>Don’t try my patience, we are going to eat.

<What should I wear?

>What the fuck you like.

 

When Timmy arrived, he had to wait, he wasn’t a member.  He wore a Thom Browne suit he’d been given for a premiere, he’d not sent it back and wore it to other events; after that first major premiere he was regularly sent items by Thom, and Haider Ackerman at Berluti had been in touch with a promise that he would dress him for the next formal event, he felt like he was on his way. Being recognised could be a double-edged sword, he was wasn’t seeking celebrity but he liked nice things, nice clothes were a side benefit of being in the industry,

Armie turned up a few moments later, and looked at him appreciably, he’d made a good choice, they were both on time.  They were always on time, it was one of their things, they never wasted their time together, they didn’t play games, neither had to wait for the other, like clockwork at the appointed time, they were there within a few minutes of the other.

‘Good Evening Armie, your table is ready let me take you and your guest through.  It’s Mr Chalamet, isn’t it?  I saw your last film, really enjoyed it.  Great ensemble acting.  Here you are, this is your table and here’s your host for tonight, Jan.’

A slim young man came over, Jan was Eastern European, deep set large grey eyes very dark hair, Slavic cheekbones, gorgeous.  Armie cast a glance at him, took him all in, appreciated him, he licked his lips. Yes, he’d fuck him.  Jan noticed, a sly smile a glance up and down.  He’d fuck him right back.

Timmy was angry.

‘Did you bring me here to watch you get your next trick?’

‘Jealous?’

Timmy got up from the table and walked towards the exit. Armie didn’t speak, he carried on walking.

‘Where are you going?  Come Here!’

The last was shouted.  People looked round, some recognised Armie, they didn’t recognise Timmy, he wasn’t yet instantly known, there were a few hands over mouths and low voices.

The fuck he’d stop, who did he think he was?

Timmy carried on walking. A few moments later Armie was by his side, a grasp on his arm.

‘Where are you going?’ Now an urgent whisper.

‘Did you think you were calling a dog, you fucking shit. You stare that boy up and down and expect me to sit by and watch.  Do you think it’s a turn on? Eh?’

Timmy shrugged him off and exited the building.  Armie was right behind him, he answered right against his ear.

‘Yes.  Put your hand back and feel.’

‘Motherfucker.’

Timmy was getting aroused against his better judgement, he slowed but kept walking.

‘What is wrong with you?’

‘You don’t know how much I want you.’

‘I have a fucking good idea.’

Timmy stopped and let Armie get up close.  He was frightened now.  A pap might catch them and catch what was being said, Armie had to stop with this shit too.

He took him back to his apartment, Armie fucked him senseless.  He enjoyed it.  They got in a Chinese meal, ate it in bed, the bed was trashed.

 

A blind.

Which heir to a billion dollar foundation took his closeted boyfriend to a club this week? This is the first time he has been openly seen with him.  Normally it’s NoHo, but they didn’t care where they were nor that they were seen, so went to the opposite end of town and behaviour.  We expect to see more of this couple.

 

Brian was furious.

Another rule broken.  He’d been caught, he was out but he wasn’t public, so far he’d managed to stay under the radar, his friends and family knew, people in the community knew.  The general public didn’t and they didn’t know that Armie was gay either, technically speaking Armie wasn’t out either.

‘Don’t go there again.  We’ll talk to them and warn them off, now you’ll have to keep a low profile, you’ll be watched.  Have you spoken to Armie?’

‘No.  I’ll be speaking with him later.  Brian I am not closeted, why would people think it was me?’

‘You’re not closeted, but nobody knows that.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You are not on anyone’s radar, it doesn’t pay to be overt.’

Timmy gave Brian a hard look.

‘I am not going to hide, that way lies unhappiness. I am not hiding my relationship with Armie, we’ll be discreet, if asked I am not going to deny we are together.  I’ll discuss it with him, and speak with you after.  You just have to manage the situation, if the studios don’t like it, tough.’

Brian got to work, called in favours and got the story covered and removed, when asked directly and formally, he stated Armie was interested in investing in movies as part of the foundation’s work, this had been an introductory meeting, they had been introduced by a mutual friend, and had become good friends.

Timmy and Armie laughed, _mutual friend_ , more like mutual fucking.  Neither gave a fuck, at least neither one gave a fuck for now.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn some things about Armie, Timmy is frustrated.
> 
> This is Fiction.
> 
> It's not nice.

‘What do you think you are doing?’

Armie’s father called him.  He had seen a repackaged story in the society gossip column of his Sunday paper.

‘Is he a friend or are you fucking him?’

‘It’s none of your business.  I don’t get any money from you or the trust and you have no right to tell me who I should have as a friend or who I should fuck.’

 

The family money was old, they could trace their history back to an arrival in Alaska in 1785.  At that time, America had taken back Alaska from Russia, there was trade to be had in furs.  Armie’s family had come from Russia hoping to settle in the New World even if the boom period had passed.  There were opportunities, if it didn’t work out in Alaska, there were plenty of other places to try in America.  The family settled for a hundred years trading in furs with the Hudson Bay Company based on buying pelts from first nation people and then on to the company. Of course in order to make money there was sharp practice, it was a hard life, resulting in some short changing or passing on of inferior goods by which they gave poor quality items in return for the pelts.  After a while they learned that it did not pay when their supply chain through the natives began to fail. They changed tactic and eventually they began to make money and consider other options.  They took this new attitude into all their future trade, even if it meant that initially they lost money.

They wanted to get out of the area, by 1885 they were wealthy enough to consider moving to California to try there, there was community and business already established there, and a new market, Gold.  It would pave a way.  Once they got there they saw there was a growing market for luxury goods, they started to trade in the best quality pelts and from there opened a shop in San Francisco, as communication improved and service industries multiplied they moved to Los Angeles, they were in at the start of the growth of the town.  The family wealth grew and they knew how to invest it, their spread exceeded trade, they invested in property, land, farming and cattle.  Once investment was maximised they turned to culture and art, and from the 1940s became philanthropists, thence the family name became known across America.

Armie wasn’t the first gay Hammer, whereas the other earlier Hammers conformed and played out their gay sex life offline, Armie’s choices where formed by the circumstances in the family, and the fact he was living in a period where homosexuality was tolerated, but still not universally accepted.  His grandmother played a leading role.  He was neither out nor closeted, he just never put himself out on social media or courted celebrity.  Everyone forgot about him and he lived his sexually driven life more or less un-found.  Until he met Timmy.

‘Armie, they are mentioning the Foundation.  Now it is my business.  Are you fucking him or what?’

Armie put the phone down, he could go to hell.

 

‘Do you want to go away?’

Silence.

‘What did you say?’

‘I have a country house in Alaska, a dacha…it’s very old, I want to go and I want you to come with me.  We can use the private jet, no one will know.’

The fuck.

‘What?’

‘Are you coming or not?’

More silence.

‘Wait…this is…I don’t know…we have never spent more than a night together…I don’t know…OK…OK…when?’

‘Tomorrow. You aren’t working.  What’s the problem?’

‘OK…OK…really?  Tomorrow?  What do I need?’

‘Clothes and your personal things, I’ll bring everything else or get it delivered.  We are staying a month.  This is my normal month off, I want company.’

The Fuck.

‘No, I can’t stay offline for a month.  I have auditions, go sees, other shit, I have that second call for a show in New York.  I can’t go for a month.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll fly you back for whatever or whenever you need.  Send me your calendar, you might need to change some dates to fit in with the schedule.’

The line went dead.

 

Brian forbade him to go.

‘That is taking things too far.  How are you going to explain where you are or how you are flying in and out of New York or Los Angeles in Armie Hammer’s private jet, no you can’t go.

Do you think people won’t realise, come on Tim, your career is just taking off, I am not asking you to deny him, just don’t push things in the studio’s faces, wait until the end of year, you’ll have a couple more films done, some kind of theatre set up for next year and then you can more or less do what you want.

For now it’s best if you just keep a cool head and your dick in your trousers.  He’s a bad influence, at the moment you don’t know which end is up and I mean that literally and figuratively, don’t lose sight of what you are trying to achieve.’

 

‘I can’t come Armie, I have too much going on. If you want I can come for a few days, an extended weekend, I can’t do a whole month.  I’ve got some serious auditions coming up, I need to concentrate, you’ve got me dick-crazed…’

‘Dick-crazed…’ Armie actually laughed.

‘… dick-crazed is nothing, come over.’

 

Of course he went. When he went into Brian’s office the next morning, Brian took one look and shook his head.  There were marks on his neck.

‘Timothy, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but you cannot come to work with fucking bites on your neck.  You have an appointment in half-an-hour, I don’t have a make up artist on hand to sort those marks out.’

He went to the door of the office and called for his personal assistant.

‘Clara, will you go and get a white shirt with a collar please, size small or neck size 14, and some concealer, that yellow one from Clinique – that’s what we used before. There’s a Zara somewhere, try Westfield it’s closest. Before you go, please call Chris and tell him Timothee is running late. Phil will give you the credit card. Thanks’

Timmy was lost.  He knew he had to get Armie to conform somehow. 

‘Brian, what am I going to do?  He is fucking me up…I can’t do without him.’

‘You know what you have to do, you’re adult, you’re only asking me so I can confirm what you already know or blame it all on me if it goes wrong.

When you finish here, go and talk to him, there have to be rules.  If he wants to play badass demon lover, he needs to do it with someone else.  Above all Timmy you need to work out what you are going to do if he doesn’t listen, you tried already to give him up, only you know how much you can take, and I’d say you are getting close to the limit.  Regard this as a wake up call, I’m not going to waste my time with you if you carry on with this fucked up situation, because one way or another it is going to come back and bite you in the ass, and it won’t be enjoyable.  I have other clients who are clear about what they want to achieve, and they know they are not going to achieve anything through wild fucking.’

 

Timmy took the month off.  He had to get Armie out of his system.  He knew if he went with him, they were going to spend the month in bed, he was going to douse himself in Armie until he didn’t know where he started and where Armie began, totally immolate himself.  He was going to let him seep under his skin, drown in him, get to know every piece of his body, he would leave nothing unturned.  He still did not know how far he would go, but sensed there was a depth that he had not reached yet with Armie and he wanted to know.  He wasn’t frightened, it seemed like something that he had to try, if he didn’t he knew he would in some future time wonder about the possibility of being so deeply into a person.

He called him.

‘I’m coming.’

Armie merely grunted.

‘Of course.  You won’t regret it.’

 

Armie sent instructions, don’t come to the main airport, go round to the cargo and commercial gate, ask for Mr Johnson.  Don’t bring a large case, we won’t be able to bring it on board, you have a 20kg weight limit for everything. Choose carefully.  Bring a good pair of shoes or boots you can walk in, and some shorts you can use on a beach, some things for the cool evenings and a wetproof something you might use for camping or outdoors.  Don’t bother to bring anything fancy, you won’t be going into town, perhaps a shirt and a decent pair of trousers.

Timmy thought, why do I need walking shoes, we gonna be fucking…

 

It wasn’t a private jet, it was a UPS jet and he and Armie were the only other people than flight crew.  The plane wasn’t only flying commercial cargo, some federal government business was also being handled.  It was discreet and private.

‘Why couldn’t I bring a proper suitcase?’

‘You don’t need anything more than what you have there.  I haven’t brought anything, everything I need is already there.  We won’t be spending our time in bed.  There are other things.  I have a lot to tell you.  To discuss.

We’ll be flying to Seattle, pick up some things there, stop for a couple of hours, then on to Anchorage, pick up a car and the journey will take all day.  You might as well rest. I am going to nap.’

With that Armie got his travel pillow and went to the second row of seats, folded himself up and went to sleep.  Timmy looked around, nothing to do except look out of the window, read, listen to music or sleep.  He had a couple of scripts, he started reading but succumbed and eventually got his pillow, leaned against the frame of the plane and went to sleep, fitfully.  Armie woke him at Seattle, they both got out of the plane and went for a walk.

‘Is there broadband at the house Armie, I can’t afford to be completely out of touch.’

Armie gave him a devilish look, Timmy didn’t like it.

‘Of course there is broadband.’

There was going to be some catch.

 

They arrived at Sitka, Sandy Beach to be precise. It was a picturesque small town on the coast, the house was set off the main road down a tidy track, a small group of houses surrounded them on a network of roads, each house was secluded with a large degree of privacy.  A wide balcony ran across the building and faced out to the sea, on the balcony were several wooden loungers with thick cushions.  These were currently covered. The balcony was not visible, it could only be entered from the house and there were spruces and prunus shrubs to shield the house as living garden walls.  It was in fact lovely. The garden spread out from the balcony and down a slow pathway was the beach.  The beach was public but also secluded, Timmy walked down the pathway he wanted to shout his enthusiasm, but it wasn’t cool.  He sat halfway down and took in the view, he felt rather than saw Armie.

‘It’s lovely Armie, how often do you come?’

‘As I said, just for a month round about now May, or sometimes June, when the weather is changing it’s never warm, but it is good for outdoor activities.  It’s my Grandmother’s house, she left it to me, she also left me the apartment in Los Angeles where we fuck and an apartment on Fifth Avenue, I rent that one out it’s too big and too much.

‘Why have you bought me here Armie?’

‘Let’s go back.’

Timmy let him go.  There was time to uncover Armie’s reason for bringing him here.

 

‘What do you want to eat?  I have some chicken pieces; they’re already cooked and some salad things.  Won’t take long to prepare…’

‘I’m tired Armie, let’s go to bed.’

Timmy hadn’t unpacked, his suitcase and bag were in the large living room which lead onto the balcony.  He picked them up.

‘Where’s the bedroom.’

‘Over here, there’s an ensuite.  There’s cupboard space for your things, and a chest.  I’ve left a towel for you, but if you want any more or a flannel then you can find them here, let me show you.  I’ll be sleeping down this end of the corridor.’

Timmy’s head popped up.

‘What do you mean you’ll be sleeping down here…do you mean that we will be sleeping separately?’

‘Yes.’

‘OK…not sleeping in the same bed?’

‘Yes.’

‘No fucking…’

‘Goodnight. The hall light is just outside your bedroom if you need to get up, but I think you should have everything you need, I’ve left some water in a jug.  I’ll probably wake around eight, we are only an hour behind.  Night Timmy.’

‘Wait, do you really mean that I have to sleep in my own bed? Not with you?’

‘Are you a child?  Yes, I do mean that.’

‘No.  Not happening, I haven’t come all this way to sleep in a bed by my fucking self.’

He followed Armie, and walked past him into the bedroom.

‘Don’t talk fuckery Armie.’

Armie merely walked off to the other bedroom.

 

Timmy didn’t unpack, he was in Armie’s bedroom.  His clothes lay strewn around the room, it smelt of him, his skin and the cologne he regularly wore.  He used Armie’s toothbrush.  He got into bed and felt surrounded by Armie. Although Armie had not been in the bed for over a year, he felt close to him and the sheets had already taken on his very being, absorbed from the open washbag and his socks and jumper which were on the bed.  He tossed and turned, got up at two and went out of the room, down the hall and tried the door of the bedroom.  It was locked.

‘Armie…Armie…let me in…Armie…’

A gruff Armie answered.  ‘Go back to bed.’

He couldn’t sleep, Armie flooded his thoughts, he was agitated he wanted to get into bed with Armie, he wanted to fuck him if he couldn’t fuck him, he wanted to feel his body wrapped around him.  He didn’t know why he had to do this, he just knew that nothing was going to stop him experiencing Armie in the way he had anticipated, nothing.

‘ARMIE…ARMIE…let me in you fucker.  I want to sleep with you.  You don’t have to fuck me, just let sleep in your bed, with you or you can come and sleep with me.  Please Armie, I want to sleep in your bed.’

Armie didn’t answer him. He turned round and stomped down the hall.

He sought revenge. 

Went into the living space and turned on every light, and the radio.   Turned it off and got his phone, there was an Alexa sitting in an alcove.  He spoke to it, it didn’t recognise him – of course it wouldn’t.  He searched for the router, it was in the same alcove as the Alexa on a different shelf.  Couldn’t connect, someone had removed the password panel at the back.  By now furious, he went back to the radio, it was a small one, tinny sound, turned it up as loud as he could, went in search for another one.  He knew there would be another somewhere, walked into he kitchen, found another one, back into his bedroom, got his small travel radio, he always travelled with a short wave radio as it meant he could get Voice of America or the BBC virtually anywhere in the world.  Turned that up full too.  It didn’t matter what was on, he just wanted the noise, noise that Armie could not ignore.  He didn’t care about the loudness of the noise or who could hear.  One way of another he was going to get Armie up.

He went back down the corridor and started banging on the bedroom door and then shouting.

‘I want to sleep in your bed.’ Loudly.  Loud enough to carry across the quiet of the garden and onto the track.  The door burst open.

‘WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?’

Armie looked delirious.  Went into the living space and smashed every radio.

Timmy just laughed and got into bed.  He was hot, hot in temper and hot for sex.

‘I’m not fucking you.’

Timmy didn’t care what he said, he’d got into his bed and whilst Armie was out he had taken the key out of the lock and flushed it down the toilet together with the one from the other bedroom.  The keys sat at the bottom of the bend, they wouldn’t flush down.  Timmy didn’t care, Armie wouldn’t be looking for the keys in the toilet, when he took a shit they would flush down or block the toilet, he didn’t give a fuck.

‘Where is the fucking key?’

Armie continued grumbling in a foul mood, picked up his phone and went out of the room.  Two minutes later he came back and got into bed.

‘Don’t fucking touch me.’

 

When Timmy got up, Armie was gone.  It was ten.  He made himself some coffee and found some eggs, mushrooms and cheese.  Made an omelette, only made one.  Ate it and went back to bed.  He still felt horny.  Whacked one off.  It wasn’t sufficient.  He wanted Armie, it was feral, he could smell him and sense him, he wanted him.  He laid in bed and waited for him.

 

‘Where were you?’

Timmy got out of bed, opened his legs and looked up at Armie, his dick showed that he had had an orgasm, it was still slightly engorged, he put his hand on it stroked it, moaned softly as it grew in his hand, placed the hand on thigh, rubbed the thigh and looked up at Armie again.  Armie looked at the cock, a good hard look, his eyes became dark.  He turned around and went out of the room.

‘Get dressed.’

‘Still don’t want to fuck?’

‘Get the fuck up.’

Timmy laughed and got in the shower, stayed there for 15 minutes, got dressed, including some socks with the sneakers.

‘Are we going for a walk?’

He’d turned meek and mild.  Armie was staring at him, not sure which version of Timmy he was looking at.  This one was gentle and soft spoken, but there was a wicked glint in his eye.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to go out in public with him.  Couldn’t tell if he was going to turn.

‘Have you got money?’

‘Yes Armie.’

‘What about your phone, is it charged?’

‘Yes Daddy.’

Armie looked at him, he had never called him Daddy.

‘When we go out don’t hold me, touch me or try to kiss or make out with me, it won’t be taken kindly.  I need to come back here next year and if you start any shit, I will leave you standing.’

‘OK Baby, I promise to behave.’

 

He did behave but when they had got out of the car he walked three steps behind Armie all the way through town.  It was unnerving.  Armie took him in a phone store, and paid for a local sim. 

‘I can use my phone here.’

‘Nope you are off the grid, you get an hour’s access to the internet in the morning and one hour in the evening.  If you need to have longer for work, tell me and I’ll make it available for longer.’

Timmy didn’t mind, he often went off grid, he just needed to check in with Brian and his parents on a regular basis.  He could drop his friends and sister something, IG or Snapchat when he had access to the internet or on his sim, it was no hardship.  Armie also had a local number one that he kept purely for Alaska, they would use their Alaskan numbers, he re-directed his normal number and prevented both numbers from being seen by callers.  It was somewhat freeing.  It was just him and Armie, he liked it.

They got back around three, Armie had bought him another radio and one for the house.  He also logged his phone onto the Alexa and programmed it to recognise Timmy’s voice.

‘There you are, you can listen to your music.  I am going back out.’


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy starts his work on Armie.
> 
> This is fiction.

They settled into a pattern, a little pleading at night, a lot of walking during the day.

‘I don’t know why the fuck you brought me here. I can be celibate at home, in fact I can get it back home.   I might go home.’

‘No-one is forcing you to stay, go if you want.’

‘I can tell you want it too…Let’s just fuck once. I won’t ask again.’

Armie merely looked at him.

‘I am just telling you what I need.  You made me this way.  I wasn’t like this before you.  You have fucking wrecked my life. I can’t think straight, all I can think about is how to get you into bed,’

‘And that is the point Timmy…when I come here I come by myself.  Alaska is not Los Angeles or New York. It’s a time out…The people here are not so tolerant…It’s much easier to be celibate here’

Armie looked hesitant.

‘I shouldn’t have brought you.  Do you want to go back?’

‘No.’

 

Timmy held his counsel.  Enforcing celibacy would not work, Armie had to learn how to be temperate in his desires and he was going to teach him.  That night after they had eaten Timmy had a shower and went to bed early.  They had agreed to share a bed but there was to be no touching, they kept to their sides of the bed.  It was easy, once they they had mentally told each other that no touching was allowed, they were able to share the queen sized bed easily.  Several days later, Timmy chose a night to be in bed around ten, he was tired anyway, and he did not wear anything.  Previously he had worn pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, he found a stock of them in the ottoman at the bottom of the bed, it didn’t matter who they belonged to, the nights were not warm and he had not packed any nightwear.  Armie was warm, even at a distance.  When Armie got into bed, Timmy woke up, he always woke up when Armie came to bed, his body had a long memory of Armie, he started to tingle in sexual arousal ready to go anytime Armie was ready, his body had memories and did not want to let them go. A form of muscle memory except it was in his dick, when Armie got into bed, the dick remembered how Armie felt, it reached out to him, it was involuntary.  It was a question of time before it reached out and touched Armie, all bets were off on the reaction.  So he went to bed naked, he put another light blanket on the bed and hid it under the cover, it wasn’t immediately evident.  Armie might not notice.

When Armie came to bed, he lifted the cover, and stopped. He pushed Timmy.

‘Put something on.’

‘Frightened?’  Sleepy, sexy, dreamy.

Armie went off to the other bedroom.

Timmy stayed where he was and went back to sleep.  He had him.

 

‘Shall we have a massage?’

Armie looked at Timmy over the breakfast table.

‘Why do you want to go for a massage?’

‘To get clean.’

‘Have a shower.’

‘I am going to have a sauna and massage, where is the best place?’

Armie viewed him thoughtfully, there were a few places, one or two were gay friendly with side services if requested in advance.  If he told Timmy not to go to these he was telling him where he could get sex, if he let him find out then he might still fall into error by omission.  He decided to take a chance and told him which were the best, one of them was gay friendly.  They were both in hotels. Timmy picked the one with side services.

‘I’m coming with you.’

‘OK.  I’ll book for later this week any days to avoid?’

‘Nothing planned, book any day.  You might want to book Michael.’

‘Why?’

‘He’s good I’ve heard about him before.’

‘OK.’

Timmy booked Zachery, and didn’t tell Armie. He already knew who to choose, Armie had restricted the router not his phone. He could hotspot his phone and link it via Bluetooth to his laptop and iPad. It meant that he could audition online, likewise he’d managed to appease Brian by using Facetime and Skype to ‘meet’ several producers.  Key of which was the second audition (really a conversation with the director, the acting was not doubted it was now a question of relatability) for the theatre show in New York early the following year. He’d seen the play in London whilst promoting his last film and read the script, he’d loved it and wanted in. He had no intention of missing out on that.  He just swapped out his sim card. Armie was a technology luddite, he thought blocking the router meant that Timmy was blocked from the outside world. Armie could fuck himself.

They woke on the appointed morning.  Armie was not sleeping in the same bed now so Timmy whacked himself off the night before, and again that morning.  Fuck Armie.  He wasn’t quiet, the noise travelled, Armie heard the ‘O’, he remembered how that tasted, how it felt, how Tim’s skin ran cool to hot, his hole…and had to put memory and longing to one side.  He remembered his promise to himself, no sex, and that included mutual or solo masturbation.  He was having a hard time, literally, as the sound of Timmy’s orgasm sounded quietly through the house.  That morning, he got up showered and went to watch the sun rise, this was harder than he thought it was going to be.  He thought taking Timmy out of his normal environment would mean that he was making it easier to manage the situation, and bend him to his will. It was having the opposite effect, Timmy was growing stronger his will was not bending.

They got to the spa, had another shower as requested by the patron, didn’t bother to dry, merely wrapped a towel round their waist and and walked over to the sauna.  It was weekday, so not many people around, when they got to the Sauna they were the only ones in there.  Armie began to feel anxious.  Timmy was in good humour, too good.

‘How hot?’

‘Give it to me.’

The previous whacking off was losing effect, his dick was paying attention to Armie and lying gently to the side, he’d ride Armie if he wanted.

Armie poured some water onto the hot stones. Steam rose, the temperature fell but perversely it felt hotter. Timmy took off his towel, got up onto the next level and spread it out as the wooden slats were hot. Sitting opposite Armie, he started whacking off at his leisure in front of him. Armie was mesmerised by the movement of his hand. Timmy continue to work his hand as he spoke.

‘I never agreed to this no-sex nonsense. Let me get on, you don’t have to do anything, just sit and I’ll do all the work.  You’ll come, I know how to make you.  Shall I come over you or in you?’

‘No.’  Armie couldn’t say anymore, he was breathless, the heat began to get to him.

‘You’ll give me a fucking heart attack.  Stop please Timmy.’

Timmy carried on stroking.

‘I’m young my blood pressure can take this…you’re very red Armie.  Don’t hold back baby, it will be worse…ah fuck…I’m getting close…come and lick it Armie…I can feel your tongue…I remember what that was like…come on baby…Daddy come on…s’coming…

He had the wherewithal to use the towel, came into that, wiped his hands.

Armie was static, his cock was hard and sticking straight out of the folds of the towel.  He did nothing to cover it.  It was a deeper tone of his skin, blue upon gold, veins were pulsating, it looked ready. There was liquid running down it’s length, another large bead pulsed out.

‘Let me suck you Armie…I can take care of you Daddy…mmm…yes…you remember my mouth on you…fuck…let me suck that…it’s hard…does it hurt baby?…look how hard I still am…for you baby…for you…just for you…’

He turned round, got on his knees, arched his back, his hole soft and pink pulsing.  His left hand was stroking the skin on the back of his thigh, it was doing things to his ass, opening him further, Armie’s dick jumped. Timmy dipped onto his elbows and peeked round.  His dark green eyes were hooded, his mouth plush, the colour of rose, reddish, a robust pink, the tongue just visible, licking his lips and then the mouth was talking. Armie’s attention switched back to Timmy’s ass. Timmy whispered, soft and low in a deep voice coloured by lust. 

‘Come on baby, I’m ready for you…’

That was it, Armie couldn’t take anymore.

He got up and left the Sauna.

 

Timmy cooled the cabin and carried on.  Got his massage, didn’t use the additional services and looked for a vegetarian restaurant so he could get a freshly made green smoothie, couldn’t find one but did spot the Sitka Hotel and Restaurant and went there. Booked a room for the next couple of nights, he might go home, he needed some thinking time by himself.  Armie was still too hot for him, he wasn’t going to last the rest of the month, and, he had things to do, work things to organise. He’d spoken with Brian, who was understanding, growing less patient but understanding. All Armie had done with him for leisure was to do was walks along the beach and a couple of longer formal walks, the TV was shit and he wasn’t technically allowed Netflix or streamed movies.  He wasn’t exactly bored, but if he was going to do that kind of holiday, he wanted the whole package not this enforced celibacy, that was fuckery and false, and Tim was not a fake or false person.  If Armie wanted to talk about his issues, he was here for him, they had had four months of an intense relationship, not much talking but intense none the less.  He was glad he came, he knew what he wanted now.  It was Armie.  Armie had to come to him, and he thought wasn’t ready.  This Armie was quiet, non-verbal but in a different way, it seemed once out of the urban milieu, he became someone else, soft and more engaged, not yet ready to be truthful, still ready to jump into passion.

He’d enjoyed seeing Armie wild about the noise, he enjoyed upsetting him – the relevation was seeing him not lose control.  Even in the sauna, it had taken all of his composure not to fuck Timmy.  Timmy watched his face and his body, Armie had held himself under control, it was fascinating to watch. To see various feelings come across and flood his face, arousal, disbelief, lust, anger, defeat and finally resolution. To observe how his body reacted, the hands clenching thighs, holding tightly onto knees, anything not to grab onto that beautiful dick, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his stomach muscles pressed inwards, anything to hold on, the muscles dancing in his groin, his dick dancing in front of him as he tried to stop it rising and failing miserably, the hardness of his dick as one that only needed a single stroke to bring climax, hard, he knew when Armie was going to orgasm, the dick told it’s own story.  A tongue and it would leap, the cum would rise and lift into the air, or into his mouth.

Timmy made an involuntary sound at the memory.

This was fuckery.

He texted Armie.

<Bring my stuff to the hotel.  I’m on a flight tomorrow.

>Where are you?

<Hotel, room 301

>What time?

<I’m not going anywhere, come when you want.

 

He turned up at midnight.  He looked rumpled, not just rumpled his face was all anxiety and distrust.

Timmy pulled the bags out of his hands, and kissed him.  He didn’t move.  Timmy placed a hand round his waist and dropped it to his ass, the other hand was on Armie’s neck, he slid round onto the back of his neck against his hairline, and started caressing the skin, testing soft rolls of skin which gathered as he fingered the back of his neck, he looked up into his face. Asked the question.

Armie nodded.  He’d given in.

Timmy opened his mouth, kiss me he said with his body which was pressed against Armie. He rubbed his erection against Armie’s stomach, he could feel Armie’s body begin to react, his dick was growing hard.  Armie standing was a good six inches taller, he tipped his head back and waited for Armie’s mouth to descend.  It didn’t.  Instead Armie picked him up, dropped him on the bed, now obviously hard, the dick was pressing against opening of his trousers and very visible.  Timmy lay there looking rosy, like a cherub, his colouring made him look innocent like something out of a Caravaggio painting. He spoke, the tone belied the look.

‘Take them off.’

Timmy sat up and lifted his arms.

Armie looked at him beguiled and started to undress himself. Stroked himself a few times, fed Timmy his dick.  Timmy sucked it. Then stopped, his hands in his lap.

‘I asked you to take my clothes off.’

A hard look, then compliance.

‘Suck me Armie.’

Now there was fear. A question, should he? He clearly did not know what to do.

‘Suck it Armie. Suck it like the first time.’

More hesitation then sombre, Armie leaned in front of him, held the thighs open and bowed his head as his mouth slowly dipped towards Timmy.  Timmy grabbed his hair and pulled him to one side as he stood and placed the dick into Armie’s mouth.

‘Be nice. Suck it nice…hmm…you fucker…suck your baby…harder…wider…’

Timmy fucked his mouth, gently slowly, sensually, he loosened his grip, movements long and slow, finally placed it right to the back of Armie’s mouth, held it there.

‘Suck it Daddy.’

When Armie began to struggle, he withdrew, gave him a moment and then slowly pushed it back into the warm press of tongue and mouth, the teeth used as contrast, tiny impressions on his engorged cock, then back to softness. He couldn’t help it, he groaned deep in his throat.  Then issued the next instruction in a tender spacey voice.

‘…next you are going to fuck me gently, like you did the first time…do you remember baby…you were so soft and gentle with me…I loved that…I want that so much...we forgot how to make love didn’t we baby?’

He pulled out again, stroked his hair and raised Armie’s head, drew him up.

‘…kiss me Daddy…like there is nobody else for you but me…’

Armie began to cry, a few tears fell, he quelled them and dipped his head.

He made love to Timmy.

He gave gentle kisses. Open mouthed tongues tasting. Soft neck licks and bites. Lifted him, and wrapped his legs around his waist sat on the bed carried on making out with him stroked his long legs opened them kissed the inside of his thighs brushed his balls with his finger tips little licks around his balls raised the leg kissed from ball to hole the tip of tongue teasing an entry tongue pressed inwards pushed into darkness then out pressed forward into that dark perfumed flesh again.  He licked crossed the threshold into Timmy’s body kissed and sucked a while his tongue shaped entrances caressed folds and creases held the hole open with his thumb pressed the thumb into that sweet plush hole while sucking softly on Timmy’s cock.  The other hand held the one leg up, hooking it so that Timmy was open to him in all ways, the tenseness of stretch heightening pleasure, Timmy was given over to the pure enjoyment of the sensations his body was sending him.

He left that portion of body, and kissed the soft belly, traced the hairs upwards, Timmy had no chest hair, so enjoyed the touch of Armie’s hair against skin chest to chest hand to breast traced the shape of his chest round the front down the side of his body a would be breast sucked ate of his flesh a tender meal of sexual delight let go of the leg used the pad of his fingers to rub his small nipples, sucked them into firmness areola reddening nub grown and pulled in his mouth. Timmy pushed his hand back down onto his cock, as Armie pushed himself upwards, upwards onto Timmy’s open mouth, he stroked Timmy’s cock, dragged his mouth across his face pulsed a bruise on neck gentle biting little bites vampire teeth nicking skin broken tongue as salve but really tasting for blood made him his person licking a soft request for forgiveness.

He got between legs, rough hair scratching soft skin emphasising that itch created by stubble stretched them wide with a knee. Armie’s cock begging entry fully swollen richly engorged sensitive to touch…hard.  His mouth open in kisses, tongue inside Timmy’s mouth, tasting that flesh, enveloped in Timmy’s tongue, let Timmy take over enjoying the loss of control while his body waiting for that final connection, a slight turn a different angle to force his mouth more open and take back control.

‘Can I get inside you?’

‘Yes Daddy…I need you now.’

Slowly, slowly he pressed his cock inside Timmy.

‘Is that OK, am I hurting you?’

The lube had been forgotten, pre-come was all that separated them, Armie had plenty.

‘Take your time baby, no rush.’

When Armie had seated himself he began with micro movements, pressing movement, his tip could feel the inside of Timmy’s body, the rod of his dick felt the close press of surrounding flesh a world of sensation followed he almost had to stop made small delicate movements as if to settle to take control but could no longer wait, pushed deep lifting a leg over his arm and began to rock both into orgasmic state, other leg lifting across his back.

‘Oh yeah, baby, take it slow…’

Armie slowed, long slow thrusting…almost all the way out and then slowly back in, Timmy grew very hard.

‘Like that baby…oh fuck…I think…yeah…coming…don’t rush…hmmm…’

He placed his arms around Armie’s shoulders.

Armie settled into all of Timmy’s curves he felt all of Timmy’s body around him and began to roll and wind his whole body, a dance of lust his ass was smoothly working rolling rhymically, pressed himself downwards a little the strokes more angled, languid pushing then pulling on Timmy’s body.  They were both close.

‘I need to fuck you hard baby, please.’

Timmy opened himself up even more by lifting both legs onto Armies lower back, Armie began to pump his ass and roll hard into him, increasing speed until…and then very still as the cum flashed out of him, his body jumped several times, muscles spasmed as his orgasm rose from under him, he barely knew that Timmy had come with him, he too was close to orgasm it was the spasm of Armie’s body which drew him over the edge into climax.

They both lay there, Timmy quiet and sucking his lips while he enjoyed the aftermath. Armie collapsed on top of him.  After a few moments a gentle tap, their signal for separating bodies, enough for now.

‘I think I’ll go…’

‘Why baby? You can stay.’

‘This isn’t what I planned.  I wanted to just drop off your things.  It isn’t fair.’

‘For who Armie?’

A very long pause, a moment stretching into thought.

‘I come here to get away from this.’

‘Were you trying to get away from me?’

‘No. I brought you here didn’t I?  I just thought that if I had you near…stupid…I thought I could have both…you and the down time…it didn’t work…I wanted…I need that time off Timmy.  It’s not just about getting away from having sex it’s about having time away from all the normal routine.  I still have distant relatives here in Sitka…I don’t have a label here…I can hide properly here…there’s not the pressure to be interesting…I can just be.  No Labels. Not Gay.  Not a Hammer, well not one that matters. That’s all I wanted…that’s all Timmy…to just be, no rules because it is just as it is…I can just be, nobody tells me what to do…’

‘Armie there are always rules…’


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armie talks.
> 
> This is fiction.

‘My father married three times I am his eldest.’

Timmy laid against on Armie, head on his chest, leg folded over his.  Armie held on to him for safety.  Timmy felt if Armie wanted to speak about this then he wanted to hear it. Without understanding there were no rules, and no safety in their relationship.  This was private and only for him he had to respect this trust.  It was part of the rules they had to set with each other, the ability to be free in all things not just sex.  Intimacy had to be earnt in many ways.  Agreement, a set of rules, things they understood to be the context of their relationship, things that meshed them together, things they knew they agreed on and relied on each other for, expectations, boundaries, things unspoken things explicit. A framework to build surety upon, a foundation the rock upon which they built what they had. Armie was letting him in.

‘I am his eldest son Timmy, I have a sister called Vanessa, she is the daughter of his second wife and I have other siblings two boys, twins aged 8, sons of his third wife, Charlie and Louis.  They are his favourites, the last sexual outrage of an aging father, a proof of invincibility.

My Mom was a debutante, she was brought up to believe that there was little else for a woman to do than to learn how to look after a house, how to put up a good appearance and how to look after a man.  And, that is what she did.  She was a present but absent mother.  She felt very much that she was a representative of the family and she did this best by going into society and carrying out charity work.  She also made sure that my father was well looked after, the house ran like clockwork, his meals were never late, he never left the house without her approval on how he looked.  When he was young, he had a form of insecurity which she could assuage. She gave him confidence.  She was the epitome of an ideal wife, eighteen months older, socially poised and more experienced, sexually and emotionally.  I was secondary, an output, demonstration of a successful marriage, evidence of shared goals not love.  A necessary requirement for a wealthy family.  An heir.  At first attempt, no need to try again.  She shut away the sexual availability after me. She’d already had her wild days, she was no longer interested or at least showed no interest in him. I’d hear him begging her to sleep with him.  He’d touch her and she would shrug him off, but in front of others they were a loving and perfect couple, it was all image and fucked up.  She had little choice it was that or ignominy.  She married again, was later very happy, my father a notch on a social belt. She loved her second husband, and times had changed, she put her past life behind her.  It’s like that saying the past is another country and we don’t live there anymore…I paraphrase it’s ‘the past is a foreign country: they do things differently there…same difference, we cannot backwards justify ourselves, it was what it was, that is her view.

I hated her then and felt guilty about it.  I’ve learnt to put how I felt out of my mind.  It’s there but I don’t lean on the idea of it and I don’t want any sympathy or to discuss it.

I don’t respect her because she had a choice and bad as it might have been to follow her own path she only had a simple thing to do, show some love to her son.  Even now she is blasé about all of this, she just thinks that that is how her family brought her up and so she did the best she could and did nothing wrong.  My father thought something was wrong but was too obsessed with his dick and his work, there was room for nothing else.  When my Mom would not have sex with him, he went to other women and had affairs, some of them not so discreet.

I had a nanny of course, but there were no rules.  I wasn’t denied anything.  I could do what I wanted.  I was cared for materially, I wanted for nothing, only the right kind of attention and her love.  She would see me on her way to somewhere, I’d be presented to her a perfect example of a small child, clean and tidy, well spoken and polite, important things to her, people in the house saw how it was, they were kind but they were not my parents and they knew their place.  I didn’t know what it was I was supposed to want or do.  I was bewildered as a child everything seemed wrong, but I worked hard trying to right everything, to please everyone.  I did my school work, went to college became a Churchill scholar and got a good degree.  Finally when I could see there was nothing else I could do I set myself free, I disowned them both.

In fact my grandmother looked after me, she _saw_ me Timmy, and she made sure that I had everything I needed.  Without her I would have been lost.  I played up in school, I wasn’t bad but I would buy friends and try to please people, that could be just as disruptive.  I had money and a big house, nobody cared who I brought home, so long as they were the _right_ people.  I would have parties in fact I had parties from six onwards.  My Mom decided that I should have a party before I had to formally go to school, so she invited my playmates and the children of ‘good’ families or of my father’s business associates. I learnt how to be popular.  I used money, gifts, things and flattery.  It’s easy to please most people.

When I was ten, my grandmother brought me to her house and asked me what made me happy. I couldn’t answer her.  And she told me that money, bribery or praise were no substitutes for love.  And she started to show me love and how to love in the right way. From the age of ten I substantially lived with her, she saw how unhappy I was and decided to take care of me. It was also a stage in my life when, it was becoming apparent that I preferred boys to girls, the hormones kicked in and manifested as wanting to be around older boys, I literally fell in lust.  I idolised the son of a family friend, he was thirteen, strapping and popular, thirteen but could pass for fifteen.  I ran around after him and couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t show interest in me, I made myself available to him, he could have done anything he wanted with me. I adored him.  I was heartbroken when he told me to fuck off and that I was a pansy.  I was a pretty child Timmy, a pretty child but very masculine, I ran about in the grounds, bothered the workmen, tried to fix broken things.  Thought I could fly, if not in real life, in dreams I did, my superhuman desire, in dreams I could fly, fly away from my troubles.’

A cynical laugh

‘When I was ten, my body started to change, I was transformed.

My father was always straight and direct.  He was direct with me from the time I started showing I was in puberty, my balls dropped, my feet and hands grew and the dick began to recognise who I was sexually attracted to, I was precocious, by the time I was twelve I had the characteristics of a man and the voice of child. Everyone felt uncomfortable around me.  I was a man, my father understood me, he had experience of that. He spoke to me of sex, what was right and what was wrong, what I could expect.  Told me to wait, a time would come when it would be right, age did not signify.  Not encouragement but spoke of it as something inevitable and coming.  Spoke about what it felt like, how it gave life and how it could draw you out of your current troubles and take you into new ones.  A thing to be both enjoyed and to fear.

Armie began to speak about that boy, the one which was somewhere back in his past.  Timmy could tell that this was his way of controlling his feelings.

‘I threw out sex without knowing I was doing it.  My father had taken me in hand and started to train me how to be a man, except as a boy, I did not have maturity to deal with it.  My mother was too busy with her life, and any way the marriage was well on the way of going out of the door. Mom would crush me to her, called me baby when it was quite clear that I was in the process of transiting into an adult, then put me to one side when she was busy with her fittings, dinners and charity events, charity events espousing Christian values.  Her behaviour wasn’t appropriate, she thought could deal with me, the man child but not with my father.  She knew about physical need but not the emotional integrity needed to deal with any fall out from their relationship and the effect it was having on me.

She went to church and participated in church life but was not by any means a Christian. I did not fit in, I was her son but she saw that things would not go well with me. In a way she had to discard me or convert me. By default she discarded me from her life.  Discarded by virtue of neglect, not material neglect but simple care and affection. Her problems was solved by biblical text, a reading a solution.  Father stood by helpless, too busy with his own life to step in and take on the parental role.  Anyhow, he believed it was Mother’s role to bring up children; everyone managed as best they could.

Timmy touched his face to bring him back to the present.  His eyes were large and unfocussed, he was lost in the thoughts of the past.  He glanced at Timmy, paused looked directly and caught the care that was in his eyes and continued talking. He didn’t actively acknowledge Timmy’s attention.  Timmy never minded and thought it best to let him carry on, he wanted to hear anything that might help him work out Armie out.  Clearly there were unresolved issues which contributed to Armie’s behaviour.  If they were to work out the structure of their relationship in whatever format it might take, then he had to know the foundation of Armie’s opinion and behaviour.

Armie shifted, he didn’t push Timmy off, but Timmy felt like something uncomfortable was coming.

‘At fourteen my father told me he would disinherit me if I couldn’t produce an heir.  He was indirectly telling me that if I was gay or lived a gay lifestyle I was disinherited.  At first I didn’t understand, I was childlike.  When I was grown enough to realise what he meant, I put it to one side, I wasn’t straight and I didn’t give a fuck, I’d known since I was ten. Later when I was old enough to think about the relevance of children or marriage I still had sex with men, and what he said didn’t matter because I didn’t want those things. I went to England to study and I met Tom again.’

Who the fuck was Tom?  Had he missed something? Why was he important? Was he still relevant?  A thousand questions flooded Timmy’s brain. Briefly his heart stopped and then started racing.  He fidgeted, elongated a leg, brought it back and settled into Armie’s body and by way of emphasis, pressed an elbow into Armie’s soft flesh, it was a form of punishment.  Armie tipped his face up and kissed him. Then kissed him again.  It was his way of saying no, he is not relevant.

‘Jealous?’

‘No…who is he?’

‘My first serious boyfriend.’

‘I don’t want to know about him.’

‘Why?’

‘You know why.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Did you fuck him?’

‘Of course. That is a stupid question.’

The atmosphere in the room changed. Wired and tense, Timmy got up.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Nowhere.’

He kept moving.

‘I don’t want to know about people you slept with before me.’

‘OK.  Come back here.’

‘I’m going to the bathroom.’

He was there a long time.  Armie got up and went to see what was going on.

‘Get out.’

‘What have I done?’  Armie stood in the door.

Timmy was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. He had his fingers in his mouth, not exactly chewing the nails but very close to doing so.  Wary, eyes on edge.  Questions lay in the air.

‘How many men have you slept with?’

‘To be honest I don’t think I want to answer that.’

‘…I don’t know that I want to know the answer.’

‘Don’t fucking ask then.’

Armie turned away and went back into the bedroom.

Timmy washed his hands and came back into the room.

‘I’m not jealous.  I just don’t want to know.  Otherwise I am going to have to know everything. And, I don’t think I can deal with it.’

‘What do you think you can deal with?’

‘A normal number.  Not one that relates to visiting a club on a regular basis, and taking someone home each time, and you can’t deny it because I have seen you many times when I have been to the club.  Or if I haven’t seen you, other people tell me.  Especially now people know we fuck.’

‘We’ve progressed beyond that.’

‘Not much…’

‘Come on Timmy.  What do you want me to say?  I can’t take back my past life. I fucked around.  I was safe, I never slept with anyone and not used a condom, I always used a condom. I test myself every four months, fucking isn’t only thing that we need to protect ourselves from.  The only person I have ever been bareback with is you.  Can you say the same?’

He had his answer when Timmy didn’t respond.

‘When was your last test?’

‘Six or so months ago, I was clear.  You are safe.  I want to go to sleep now.  Can you leave please.’

‘No, I’m not leaving.  I’m staying the night.’

Armie pulled down the coverlet and got in.

‘Take a shower.  It will calm you down. Then come to bed.’

‘I don’t need to fucking calm down. I am calm already. You…’

‘Watch your mouth…and keep it down.  We will be infamous.’

Timmy couldn’t understand why he had suddenly turned wild.  He rushed at Armie and shout whispered at him.

‘Why don’t you leave me alone!’

Armie was at a loss to understand what was going on.  He had spoken and told Timmy things that he had told no-one.  About the role of his grandmother, the hatred he had towards his Mother.  The start of his problems with his father, about whom he never spoke.  He hadn’t done anything wrong and he wasn’t going to go, or apologise.

‘You can punch me if you want.’

‘I want to fucking kill you.’

‘Try…’

Timmy had to work through his sudden anger. He was angry about more than one thing.  He still wanted Armie, physically and emotionally.  He hated himself for it. He envied the man who had first slept with Armie. He had him when he was at his most innocent, when he was pure.  He knew that Armie had first slept with a man when he was very young, he didn’t want to ask. He was frightened of the truth, he preferred not to know.  He wanted to know the story of when armie started to frequent the club and why he continued to go long after it was clear that he was not resolving anything.  He wanted to know if he could let go of his feelings.  He was hot in temper and in desire.

‘What are you angry about?  You know about the men.  They were nothing. I was using them.  I don’t use you. I want you…’

‘How much more is there Armie?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘There’s nothing else.’

‘…I don’t believe you…I don’t know what I don’t know…You know if there are things that I should know.’

‘…there are always things that you should know…but equally I can’t say when you should know them.  There are things that I don’t consider important that you may wish to know, those things only become apparent when they are relevant.  Are we done?  I’m tired.  I don’t have anything more to say now.  Let’s go to sleep.’

They went to bed.  Timmy laid on his back, pondering, afraid and awake.  How much more was there?

His mission had been to set up the boundaries of their relationship, to have some rules so that he knew how far he had to go, understand what rules he could break and how far he’d allow Armie to push him. Now he felt he couldn’t set them, what grounds could he use? The ones he thought he could use were no longer relevant, concerns about the amount of sex they had were puerile.  He didn’t have the right knowledge or experience and it worried him, worried him into wakefulness.

‘What is it?’

‘Nothing, go back to sleep Armie.’

‘Don’t lie to me.  If we are setting something up for future, you have to give me the truth – I have given you truth today, I expect the same from you.  It’s what you have always given me Timmy, don’t start pulling back now, we are but only one step along the way.

‘It looks like a long journey.’

He turned on his side away from Armie, he wasn’t sure if it was going to be worth it.

‘All journeys start off with one step Timmy, we don’t have to do anymore now, forget what I said earlier.  Come here and let me hold you, I could do with the comfort.  Tomorrow we will go back to the dacha, and like all days, it will be a new start, give me that and the rest of our month, we have two weeks let’s treat each day like it’s an opportunity and the last time we will ever have together.  We will get something out of that.  You can ask me anything you want, we don’t have to have sex, or we can have as much as you want.  I learnt one thing, I don’t like being forced into sex.  I thought that I could never have enough of you.  You caused me to reflect.  It was not celibacy which renewed my vigour for life it something like being at one with myself, I can have that with or without sex, I did know but now it is certain, I have work to do, to get to that sense of fulfilment, a complete person.  I needed time off from the club, you came at the right time, I have a lot of things to figure out, firstly how to be temper my need of you…I know I need time away from sex but for the person involved…you… it isn’t fair…and I have to work through what I was using the sex for…why it is so important…’

‘Armie, I want you so much…I don’t want to lose that, the inventiveness or our spontaneity…the sex is crazy…and I love it…I wanted to come here and spend everyday in bed with you…to lose myself in your body…I can’t lie…but it isn’t enough…it isn’t sustainable, that’s why we need to work through what else is going on…and you started to tell me things and now I’m frightened.  I don’t know if I can deal with it…the things you have been through frighten me…I don’t know how much I need to know Armie…’

‘Don’t ask then.  I have lived with these things a long time, I have had time to absorb them, to learn what I can ignore and what I have to look deeply into.  I am not solved, and nor are you.  As I said, let’s just take the next couple of weeks a day at a time, we have made a start.  Now come here. I need to feel you next to me…if you want to fuck me…that’s also alright…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more to come. The next set will mostly feature Armie's back story, the characters seemed to be saying there's more here about what might the cause for Armie's behaviour, and it's interesting to get perspective. As I hope you'll have seen I have some themes I want to look at, so more to follow.


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